The Insatiable Feeling
by xJayLove
Summary: Get inside of Patty's head after her first killings. Was she actually a bad person, or a victim of chance?


"Patty stop!" Christian murmured as I continued to hit him with the tire iron. "I'm a good person!" I exclaimed. I continued to bash his head into a bloody pulp. I couldn't just simply stop. I had been holding in this rage for so long that I honestly couldn't stop until it was all out. I was horrified, but I was even more angry. How could he of ALL people, call me evil? HE was the one who kidnapped his girlfriend in Brazil. HE was the one who influenced my bad behaviors. HE was the one who wanted me to succumb to my "evil demon" teratoma. And HE was the one who drugged and kidnapped Magnolia. I WAS a good person. I never even asked for all of this to happen. Everything bad that happened to me was simply by chance...right?

I fell to the ground, dropping the tire iron. Christian had stopped making any type of noise or movements after around hits five or six and I had honestly stopped counting past ten. He was dead, and a part of me couldn't help but think that he..deserved it. Tears began streaming from my eyes uncontrollably. What a fucking night. My luck couldn't have possibly gotten any worse. I now had killed TWO people. First was Stella Rose, who'd tried to kidnap and stage my "suicide" on Bob's behalf. I could NEVER let that happen. Bob was a Saint, even though I had ruined his marriage, outted him at my birthday roast, and potentially fucked up his whole reputation yet again. I'd never let Stella Rose ruin his life like that. That bitch was mental, and a part of me couldn't help but think that she deserved it too. She was a sad woman scorned that took this shit too far. She had finally met her match.

I leaned on the back of Christian's car as I carefully contemplated my next steps. The feelings I began feeling weren't as remorseful or as panicky as I thought. All I could really think about was that I was doing the world some sort of justice. Who really needed two reckless and homicidal freaks in the world anyway? I had gotten them out of the way before anyone could truly get hurt. I had saved Magnolia, who was God knows where by now. She was the ONLY witness to the crime, and that was the only thing that made me apprehensive. Not the fact that I killed two people, not the fact that I had two bodies, a car, and a stolen wiener taco truck I had to deal with. The fact that I had an actual partial witness to a crime that I was brought in to. I was strictly out here to get tips on the Regional pageant… WHICH WAS TO-FUCKING-MORROW.

_ Focus Patty, FOCUS! _I thought to myself. I had two dead bodies I had to deal with and all I could fucking focus on was the damn pageant. All kinds of thoughts were popping into my head at this time. _What's my competition going to be like? Am I going to win? I have to get to Miss American Lady at ALL costs. _Then it hit me. What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I KILLED two people tonight, and I'm worried about a goddamn pageant? Even though I was still breathing hard, I tried to collect myself. For some reason, I couldn't shake off the feeling that they deserved it. I almost felt like a… Hero. I didn't even feel bad anymore. I took two bat-shit crazy lunatics off the streets forever… and I'M THE BAD PERSON? Besides, what was Christian or Stella Rose actually going to give back to the world? I, Patty Bladel, had something to prove. After all, I was going to go from Fatty Patty to Miss American Lady. Who would have ever thought?

My act didn't seem as bad now. I honestly felt… Good. I'd never unleashed my anger in such a way before and I didn't even feel sad anymore. I felt good. Really good. A feeling I've never had before. Almost Insatiable…Though I was tired from both the killings, I felt as if I could run 10 miles nonstop. Jump through six hoops even. I almost felt jittery. I didn't want to be still, and it almost felt like I had won Regionals already. I knew before that I wasn't the average girl, but I DEFINITELY believed it more than ever now. And here I am, standing before my second victim for the night feeling no remorse at all. None. Zip. Nada. He was the one trying to kill people, and how the hell did he not know that you should never provoke someone with a weapon. He had it coming. Hell, I even warned him to stop. But guys always have to prove their "bad guy edge". _Well look where being bad got you now Christian?_ I thought to myself, beginning to crack a smile. Now that my "panic" was finally over. I could carefully play out my next steps.

Snapping back to reality I acted on the plan, which for right now was to get Christian into the trunk of his car and get all this shit out of here as quickly as possible. This was unrealistic of me to think I could do all of this by myself. But unfortunately, everyone that could help had it out for me now, so there were no options for help I could call. Hopefully all the working out I had done to prepare for regionals would come in handy now. They were not kidding about deadweight. I lifted him up on to the open trunk with the first move and pushed him into it with the second. By this time, Christian head eased up on bleeding, so I managed not to get any blood on the car, thank god. I threw the tire iron inside along with him and slammed it closed. _Okay, now what? _Grabbing the keys out of the ignition, I locked the car. I figured it would be okay here for now while I took care of the wiener taco truck. Since Naomi, Brick, and Don Troy found me signing up for regionals earlier, I could only pray that Naomi's dad had taken the tag off the truck. I could NOT risk losing regionals. This was my future. My chance to change EVERYTHING. And suddenly, I knew exactly what I had to do.

I ran to the wiener taco truck and drove it the fuck out of there. All I had to do was get the truck back. No one would suspect any weird actions because I always act weird around pageant time. Nothing was out of the norm. And if anything, Naomi would cover for me. I practically had her eating out of the palm of my hand. The new Patty practically had everyone wrapped around her fingers. It was so much easier to manipulate shit to go my way now. Bob was right, being skinny was life changing. As for the truck I figured I'd just leave a note in the truck and kindly return it and apologize later. I had cleaned out the truck. There was no food left in it. Half was gone to save myself from Stella Rose. The other half was due for two dead bodies. I tried to eat the good feeling away. I felt a little irrational feeling this good after killing. I thought the food would satisfy my insatiable hunger. But this was a hunger like no other… No matter what I ate, I couldn't get rid of the feeling. Nothing was taking care of my appetite. I was 45 wiener tacos in, and I still felt as if I hadn't eaten in days. _Maybe this wasn't hunger…_

How could I have let my anger come this far? I'd never believe that I had it in me to take a life, let alone two in the same night. On top of that, I didn't even feel bad. I felt great. Tonight alone showed me that I am a more powerful version of myself. I'm not just Fatty Patty. Bladel women were doomed to fail, and I could only think that this could be the beginning of a winning streak. This hunger I had was ravishing me from the inside and out. I felt like I could eat the whole supply of wiener taco and yet that wouldn't satisfy me. _Then what was it? What was this feeling I so desperately couldn't get rid of. _Then it hit me like a bag of bricks. The reason I felt no remorse was because I wasn't upset. I liked what I had done… It was a bit of a workout, but it got rid of my stress for the moment. Maybe the reason I couldn't satisfy this hunger was because it wasn't actually hunger for food.. Maybe it was hunger to kill...

I had no time to think anymore. I HAD to act on the rest of the plan. I had to get back to Christian's car and drive to the bog. No one ever goes to that old shit hole. While driving it, I obeyed every traffic law down to not even turning right on red. I wanted to make sure no one suspected anything. I didn't want to get pulled over or stopped for any little thing. _How are you going to do this Patty? _I began questioning myself now. I wasn't an experienced killer. I only knew what I saw on crime tv shows I binged watched with my mom sometimes, you know when she wasn't passed out drunk out of her mind.In order to get away with everything, I had to call someone who was more familiar with this stuff. Someone who could be my alibi and that could help.

_...I need Bob. _I needed Bob more than ever now. Fuck all the past shit. Fuck me trying to ruin his life and make him hurt like I did. I needed him for than ever before. Parking Christian's car right in front of the lake, I paused for a second. If I was going to call Bob, I needed to sound believable. There was almost no way that I could just get him out here after everything I put him through. Deep down, I loved Bob Armstrong. He saved me. I'd do anything for him, and I had to believe that he'd still do the same for me. Bob was my only hope at getting out of this with a clean slate. I proceeded to call him, giving my best damsel in distress act to lure him out to the bog. By the sound of it, he sounded distressed as well. Broken, if you will. After about twenty minutes of crying and fake panicking on the phone, Bob agreed to meet me out there. _I knew it all along, _I couldn't stop myself from thinking. After all, Bob was my destiny…


End file.
